


I slithered here from eden

by onvavoir



Series: From Eden [10]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fake Argument, M/M, These two assholes, guilt tripping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 19:24:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8173087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onvavoir/pseuds/onvavoir
Summary: In which Bucky and Sam torment Steve





	

They're wrapped up in each other on the sofa, watching _Leverage_. To be more precise, they're watching some episodes they missed the first time around because they were too busy groping to pause the show. Bucky's heavy and warm on top of Sam, and he's started nosing at Sam's jaw the way he does when he's about to start whispering filth. If Sam's honest with himself, they may be in danger of missing some of these episodes twice.

They're on "The Three Strikes Job" when Bucky suddenly goes on alert, head tilted like whatever kind of dog Bucky would be-- a husky, maybe. More high-strung than a golden retriever.

"Steve's here."

"So what's the plan, are we--"

Bucky's halfway to his room, and Sam hears the squeak of his bed as he presumably takes a flying leap and lands on it. A key turns in the lock, and Sam picks up his phone to give himself a reason not to look at Steve.

*

"Hey, Sam," Steve says.

The greeting drops from the air with no response. It's not really like Sam to give him the silent treatment. Sam must be really pissed off. Steve squirms with guilt.

"Have you seen Bucky?"

Sam makes a point of not looking up from his screen, instead extending his arm to point in the direction of Bucky's bedroom. Steve opens his mouth to say something, thinks better of it, and creeps down the hallway. Bucky's room is dimly lit, and when he pokes his head around the doorway he can see Bucky lying in bed, lamp on, reading the latest scifi novel he's borrowed from the library. Steve thinks about asking about the book and then chickens out.

"Hey, Buck?"

Bucky doesn't move at all, except to shift his eyes up to Steve from his book. He gives Steve a long level stare and then directs his gaze downward again. Steve sighs. This is fucking _excruciating_. Nobody does the silent treatment like Bucky does, and he's only gotten better at it after seventy years.

"That's fair," Steve says. "Look, I'm sorry about last night. I should have said something. Nakia didn't know-- I guess I've just talked about you guys, and she assumed..."

Bucky's eyes track back up to Steve. The rest of his face is impassive, or at least as impassive as Bucky's default death scowl can be.

"Okay, I was an asshole about it. One hundred percent Grade A organic asshole. I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

"Fine," Bucky says, flatly. "I'm not the only one you owe an apology to, though."

Steve blinks. After a second, he realizes he wasn't really planning to apologize to Sam because Sam is a little more emotionally together than Bucky. A second after that he realizes he's _still_ being a Grade A organic asshole and slinks away from Bucky's doorway in shame.

Sam's still sitting on the sofa, scrolling through his phone. Steve moves into his peripheral vision and waits for him to look up. He doesn't.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I was being an asshole."

"How come you apologized to Bucky first?" Sam says evenly. "Is he more important or something?"

There's a choked sound in Bucky's room that might be a cough. Steve's a little too preoccupied to give it much thought. He cringes a little.

"No! I just... there's no way I'm digging out of this, is there?"

"Nope," Sam says, still staring down at his phone. "Ya dug a big hole. You'll be down there a while."

Steve fidgets. He thinks about sitting down, decides not to.

"Are... are you and Bucky... okay?"

If Sam knows what he's getting at, he's very intent on pretending not to.

"Meaning what?"

Steve only just manages to keep himself from flinging his hands out in desperation.

"Meaning, I was kinda mean to both of you, and-- I saw Bucky walk off yesterday. I just hope I haven't fucked anything up... y'know, between the two of you."

"Nope."

Sam's jaw clenches. Either he's trying his hardest not to laugh or he's beyond furious. Steve doesn't much care for the odds.

"Okay. Well. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted."

Somehow Sam manages to convey entirely the opposite sentiment. That's cold, even for Sam, who despite his long and even temper, holds a grudge like nobody else Steve knows. Except maybe for himself. He's going to make Steve crawl for a while. He might as well resign himself to it. He heaves a sigh that he hopes demonstrates how upset he is about all of it and then shambles off to his room to mope.

*

Bucky and Sam agree that the appropriate course of action is to pretend to hate each other whenever Steve's around. Stony glares, the silent treatment, passive-aggressive childishness-- they turn it all up to ten in front of him, even if the moment he leaves the house they're in each other's laps, murmuring and kissing each other. Bucky's prepared to call it off if Steve gets really upset, but he definitely deserves to squirm for a while.

They last a week.

It's Sam's fault, and Bucky will never let him forget it. The three of them are in the kitchen, just after dinner. Bucky's done the cooking (Steve is forbidden from cooking dinner after The Broccoli Incident). It's Sam's turn to do the dishes, and he's putting on the kitchen gloves, his mind elsewhere, most likely Bucky's pants.

"Baby, can you grab me a dish towel?" he says, casual as can be.

Bucky starts reaching for the drawer before he can think about it, and there's a snort from behind them that makes him freeze with his hand in midair.

" _Baby?_ " Steve asks, eyebrows raised.

Bucky squeezes his eyes shut, and Sam swears under his breath. Then the two of them start laughing, probably harder than they should.

"Busted," Sam murmurs, getting the dish towel himself.

He pauses for a kiss that becomes a second one, and a third.

"You guys are assholes."

"You had that coming, and you know it," Bucky says. "If Big Bird here could keep his beak shut..."

"Big Bird? I'll remember that next time you climb into my lap and start wiggling around like some little sexpot."

"I don't do that."

"Mmhmm. Just like you don't beg me to let you suck my dick when you're talking dirty. Just like you don't walk around with those fuckin' sweatpants falling off your hips, sticking your ass out."

"I do not!" Bucky exclaims. "Okay, I do, but you like it when I wear those sweatpants."

"I didn't say I didn't. I'm also a big fan of you sucking my dick. I'm just saying."

"What about you and your little running shorts?"

"What about 'em?"

"When was the last time you actually wore them to go for a fucking run?"

"Hey, fuck you."

"I love you too, asshole."

Bucky pulls him in with a grin, and Sam manages another fraction of a second of feigned irritation before he grins back and then puts his arms around Bucky's neck. They kiss, slow, with promises for later, and Steve scoffs.

"I cannot believe..."

"Goddamn love those little shorts," Bucky murmurs. "Love pulling 'em off you."

"I know, that's why I wear 'em."

"Maybe next time I'll just shove 'em down and fuck you while you're still wearing 'em."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, bitch."

Bucky nips at his lower lip and then kisses him again, as if to communicate just how good he is at keeping promises. When Bucky glances back at Steve, he looks faintly nauseated. Good.

"I didn't think there could be anything worse than the two of you fucking non-stop. Turns out I was wrong."

"Count your lucky stars we're not banging right now," Bucky says.

Then he casts Sam a speculative look.

"Ugh," is all Steve says.

"Gotta finish the dishes first, honey."

Steve scoffs.

"First it's bitch, now it's honey?"

He's doing that huffy puffy thing he does when he's furious about something and knows he shouldn't be. Bucky ignores him and kisses Sam on the cheek.

"Don't listen to him, darlin'. I'll be in bed."

Bucky lowers the timbre of his voice just enough to make it obvious what the two of them plan to do in that bed. Steve pulls a face.

"You better be naked when I get in there," Sam says. "Uh... sugar?"

"Dollface?"

"Boo Bear?"

"Sweet jesus," Steve mutters.

Somehow Bucky maintains a straight face, although he does give Sam's ass a playful slap as he walks out. He winks at Steve and struts through the living room feeling pleased with himself, then heads to Sam's room to strip down and get under the covers. He occupies himself with playing out different scenarios in his head, all of which end with Sam naked in bed with him and moaning. Bucky wonders what it would take for Sam to get really loud.

He grins and settles in with his hands folded behind his head. As cathartic and well-deserved as the angry charade was, engaging in sickening displays of affection in front of Steve is a lot more fun.

 


End file.
